AT LONG LAST

Greetings! At long last, I am back to my writing. It has been quite awhile since I felt well enough to write. I went in to get medical tests done, only to come out worse than before the tests. Apparently, the tests triggered something else in the body, causing additional problems.


At times, I have felt so ill that I began to wonder if I would ever have a quality of life again. Those fleeting thoughts only lasted seconds, as I knew my life was much better than that of others. I had food to eat, water to drink, a roof over my head and a dear family to care for me. I also felt that my suffering was nothing compared to that of our Lord Jesus. In fact, I became closer to Jesus because of all the additional problems.

It is easy to take for granted what each of our days brings us. We tend to be busy from the moment we open our eyes and get out of bed each day. There is the morning rush, getting out the door, not wanting to be late for our destinations. Around us, everyone else is also running, usually with a sense of worry. “Will there be much traffic? Will I find a parking place? I hope I can get a seat and not have to stand during the ride. Why do I have to attend that meeting? It is always such a waste of time.”

Nowhere, in these conversations with ourselves, or with another person, is there a thought for God. We are just too busy. Our days remain busy, taking care of this need and that, forgetting the need to say a prayer, thanking our Lord for another day. At the end of the day, there is again the traffic to deal with on the way home, the meals to fix, the family activities to attend, the helping with a child's homework, and the house to clean. There is the television show to watch, so everything has to be complete by then. Once again, there is not the time to think about a prayer, praising Jesus for getting through one more day.

It is a vicious cycle, day in and day out. It is not until our health changes, and we cannot keep up with our hectic lives, do we sit back, remembering whom it is that lets us have a family, gives us beautiful sunrises and sunsets, and makes fertile ground so we may have food on the table.

Though I continue to wear out easily, I am adjusting to my new quality of life. I continue to pray for others listed in my prayer journal, aware we are never alone as we carry our crosses. Overcoming our challenges is a motive of God’s, teaching us to become stronger in our faith. It is faith that gives us hope. Once we have hope, we will believe God is right there with us, as we climb through the obstacles to reach our goals. If we fall, God will help us rise and persevere, no matter the journey. Thank you, dear Lord, for always being there.

God's Ear

While in prayer one night, I was asking for guidance on how to correct a mistake I had made. Being a perfectionist, others would laugh at what they wouldn't even consider it as something wrong. But, for me, I needed to find some peace. I kept saying to myself, 'If only I had..., instead of...'

I suppose another word for this is 'hindsight.' But what has happened cannot be changed. We can say "Next time, I will..." which does help us for future situations. As I tell my children, if we did not have experiences, whether they be good or bad, we would not have our wisdom. We would not learn to be stronger in character, as it is through the choices we make which build us up or tear us down, with each decision made.

But, I did love God's reply to me that night. He said, in his gentle voice, "Marie, what matters is who you are right now. Don't worry about mistakes from the past!" Our dear Lord could not say it better. What comfort it brought me!

Yes, take who I am right now, continuing to build upon it, in faith, prayer, hope, charity, love, happiness and kindness, to name only a few. Also, take who I am and listen. Truly listen. We have a habit of turning on a radio, cd player or a television when we enter a silent room. Yet, if we just left it silent, we would be surprised at what we could hear. There are the birds chirping and singing, the sound of a gentle breeze, the leaves rustling. There are the crickets playing their music, actually allowing us to know what the temperature it is outside. Most of all, we can listen to God! Yes, He is there, waiting for us to let Him in. If there is constant noise around us, how can we possibly hear what He is saying to us? Soon, I know He is also listening to me . He cares what I have to say.

If I am in the car, I seem to have many conversations with Him, especially on my way to Church. I ask him to provide me with an inner peace, so I may reflect this calmness to my students or my fellow brethren. In turn, they will begin to feel calm themselves, feeling our Lord within their souls. In traffic, I may be thanking God for my family, telling him to please continue to protect them as He does right now. I might even tell him a funny story about me. Yes, God laughs, just as we do.

I remember one time in Mass, a child was given a crucifix on a chain to play with by his mother. From where I was sitting, all I could do was see that child swinging the cross in a circular motion non-stop. I talked to God, to ask him to please have this behavior stop. I do not like seeing the cross treated this way, much less having that motion, not giving me any sense of peace. As I was attempting to only focus on the priest, I suddenly had a sharp pain hit my arm. I let out a small gasp, not expecting this pain. In my lap fell that crucifix! He had swung it hard enough that it left the chain and flew into me! I grinned, telling God thank you for answering my prayer, but what a way for Him to have that child stop what was bothering me!

I laid the cross beside me, wanting to talk to the child afterward, in a very gentle voice, at his level, how important the crucifix is. But, his mother was so embarrassed when she saw the whole thing happen, she grabbed her son and left the Church!

As always, God was there for me, not matter what is going on!

May you always feel God's presence, especially in the silence!