How do I express my feelings about the loss of Alyssa? I have known her for ten years, since she was seven years old. Today, her birthday, she would have been celebrating her 17th year of life. Instead of celebrating her special day, we were celebrating the life she had, until it quickly ended on June 27, 2009, all to the hands of a drunk driver.
She was in a car with four other teens. No, they were not to be out at that hour and no, there were not to be that many teens in one car. But, teens are teens. They are out to have a good time, not thinking about tomorrow. What is important is the here and now. We are here together, so now let’s have a good time.
Sadly, the drunk driver finds his good time by consuming more alcohol than his body can hold. No longer can he function in a coherent manner. All reasoning goes out the window, blowing away like the wind would. Instead of thinking of calling a friend to come get him, he gets behind the wheel of a huge weapon, his car. Where he started his journey to begin his path to murder is not known.
What is known is that shortly after midnight, he is driving down the highway. He is carefree after all of his alcohol consumption. He Is so carefree he doesn’t even drive on his side of the road. It is dark outside, with a caravan of cars carrying teens going in the opposite direction. Their headlights are on. They are driving below the speed limit, going about 50 mph. That is why they are on this road in the first place, instead of the Interstate. The lead car cannot go fast, with the driver too nervous to have cars zipping by her, at 75 mph.
It is likely the teens are laughing and talking in the car, with the conversation being whatever it is the teens talk about.. the music on the radio, an upcoming concert, what they plan to do when they get to the house of their friend.
Eyes straight ahead, following the road to a friend’s home in Eldorado. Suddenly, there are head lights glaring at her in the same lane she is in. It takes only a moment to realize this car, holding the carefree driver, is on the wrong side of the road, also going 50 mph.
What to do? Aha! Having a split-second decision, the driver thinks, “I will get into the lane he is supposed to be in and drive past him.” As she switches lanes, the carefree driver seems to have an ‘alert’ moment. Aha! In his split-second decision, he says, “I need to back over into my own lane!”
How come he didn’t notice she had already started to move over, to occupy the lane he should have never left in the first place? Instead, he plows into the side of the car as it attempts to switch lanes. Immediately, four teenagers are dead and one is in serious condition. As for our carefree driver? Some bruising on his chest. Nothing else.
Cell phones are immediately put to use. The caravan of teens sees what happens, some of them calling 911. Then, they run to see how bad the accident is. Oh my gosh. It is worse than they could ever imagine. Their friends are dead. Blood is everywhere. Someone calls 911 to say to hurry, it is a terrible, terrible accident.
Among the dead is Alyssa Trouw, the soft spoken, giggly girl. The girl who has been a good friend of my daughter Kathryn since second grade. The girl who would come into our living room with a big hi, followed by a big hug. She always paused before going off with Kathryn, both in arriving and in leaving, to give another hug and to say how she is doing. Always, there was that giggle. How happy she always was!
July 12, 2009
I have been thinking about Alyssa constantly. At her funeral, it is mentioned how intelligent she was. Not just 'normal' intellgient, but 'extremely' intelligent, more than other people who are bright. She went to Borders and bought the Koran, just for her own interest. She loved to read the Wall Street Journal...at age 16! Her grades were exceptional. She was full of wonder and full of curiousity.
But she was also very artistic. We have some of her art work over here, as she drew pictures for Kathryn through the years. They remain posted on Kathryn's bulletin board, some of them from grade school. I have always admired her talents.
My first experience of getting to know Alyssa was when she and I shared a bus seat on a school field trip. She was this little thing, age seven and a second grader, sitting with a space beside her on the bus. I asked if I could sit with her. She gave me her darling smile and nodded for me to join her. We never stopped talking the whole way to our destination and the whole way back. I don't remember where we went that day, I just remember with being impressed how much she would share of herself and this young age.
It was like this everytime she and I saw eachother. It could be at school, where she was in the classroom across from mine, or when she came over to get together with Kathryn, for an afternoon or for a sleepover. She would always come to visit me a bit when she was over. Kathryn was used to this, willing to share her friend. We truly liked one another.
Once, I told her mom how wonderful Alyssa was, and how generous she was in conversing with me, an adult. Her mother said she was actually quite shy, not opening up to many people. I felt quite honored she was comfortable with me. I had no idea she was not like this with everyone.
At her service, so many spoke about this shyness. They knew she was bright, happy, smart and artistic. But they also knew she didn't talk much. How privileged I was, getting to be part of her life, opening up her door to allow me to be part of her world.
She was over at our home about a month before she passed away. We didn't even know she was here, entering with a group of girls, having a get together downstairs. Most would be spending the night over here, with Kathryn hosting this end of the schoolyear get together. She was not able to spend the night, leaving about 11pm. As I saw her walk past, I called out a hello to her from the other room. She let out a delightful hi in return, immediately coming over to give me a hug. She stayed to visit with Tom and I for a few minutes, where she told of the end of her school year, continuing with small talk. Every little bit, she would let out the cutest giggle, giving us her beautiful grin. She promised to visit again soon.
I am sorry this visit will not get to come. I can talk to her magnificient spirit, only imagining what she would be saying to me. Yet, maybe it really is her talking to me, as the spirit can do unimaginable things. I will continue to feel her presence, throughout the day and into the night. Goodbye, Alyssa. I love you and always will.
