While privately working with a 10-year-old one day, we got on the subject of honesty. I mentioned how it is not good to lie, as it can only do harm. He responded by saying that at times, it actually is okay to tell a lie. Surprised, I asked him on what occasions this would be acceptable. He said, “When you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings.”
What a beautiful reply. I instantly thought of a dinner a family member has slaved over, so proud of what has been served. How sad it would be, if someone had said, “This dinner is the worst meal I ever ate!”
Many times, we have caught ourselves wanting to say one thing, but saying something else. We are aware of the feelings of another, not wanting to harm the emotions. It is a good question to ask oneself, “Do I cause more detriment by saying what I really think or do I prevent this by watching my choice of words?”
This does not mean we need to go overboard with what we say, to keep another feeling pleased about the mentioned endeavor. To say, “I am pleased with this beautiful dinner you have served,” may be the start of the makings of a great chef.
I know each of us can think of the teacher we had in school who had made a negative remark to someone in our classroom. Instead of making constructive criticism, it was downright critical, leaving it on the mind to this very day. It is so much better to look at the positive instead of the negative. When another asks how you like his or her new clothes, it would be so easy to say, “Ghastly!” To not hurt any feelings, it would be better to say you are glad they are wearing the latest fad or how great the color is. Maybe hard-earned money was saved to buy it. No, it is not something we would even think of wearing, but unless it would bring harm to the individual in front of you, just let it go.
“Let it go.” What a memorable sentence. Don’t hurt someone’s feelings. Let it go. In its place, use encouraging words, permitting those placed before us to nurture their own body, soul and spirit, wherever life takes them.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Monday, June 28, 2010
A YEAR AGO TODAY
My daughter and I just returned from visiting the roadside memorial site of four teens, losing their lives a year ago today, at the hands of a drunk driver. One of the teens was the best friend of my daughter. They had met in second grade, never imagining that nine years later, one of them would meet their fate.
I wrote about Alyssa a year ago, about her giggle, the camping trips my husband would take the two girls on every spring break, her creativeness and how smart she was. It has been a tough year for my child, not understanding how such precious lives could end in the way they did. Hundreds of teens have asked the same question. Somehow, all in our community had connection to one of the four. It may have been through pre-school, soccer, church, drama or in one of the elementary, mid, or high schools they attended. At times, it was a friend of a friend. Of course, there are also the many relatives, some living across the ocean from us. All are touched in ways that words cannot explain.
Several were to graduate from high school this year. At my daughter’s graduation, she wore her bright pink high top shoes, with Alyssa’s name written along the side, to honor her. Alyssa loved wearing her own pair of pink high tops. When my daughter found a pair just like her best friend’s, it made the two of them giggle with glee.
We arrived at the site while a steady, light, rain fell. There stood four wooden crosses, standing about 3 feet high, two feet across. Each has the name of one of the victims beautifully written on the crosspiece. Objects having a meaning to the particular teen surround them. There are religious items, candy, stuffed animals, jewelry, candles and endless flowers. A marker is there, for people to write messages on the crosses, each board being about 3 inches wide. Alyssa’s cross is a bright pink, while the others are in shades of blue, yellow and pink. Added today by my daughter was the Cookie Monster, the Sesame Street character Alyssa adored. It will remain in a plastic bag at the bottom of the cross, shielding it from whatever the weather may be.
After pulling a few weeds from the wet ground from all the crosses, we remained silent, reflecting upon our times with Alyssa, remembering her from childhood years to the young woman she had become. We wrapped our arms around one another’s waist, our eyes never leaving her marker. The rain continued to come down. It did not cease us from the cherished memories we carried.
Many more teens had been there before us today. Brightly colored fresh flowers were placed thoughtfully before all of the crosses. There were roses, sunflowers and so much more. As we were there, more teens arrived, all placing something in front of one or more of the memorials. A silent smile was shared through the rain with each newcomer, each then going back into his or her own world, treasuring special moments of the past. Cars zipped by on the highway behind us, but were non-fazing.
Standing there, I began to picture how many futures were lost that day. No one will get to see how he or she could have changed the world, with his or her knowledge, music or laughter. There will be no marriages, children, grandchildren or great-grandchildren that in turn could have changed the futures for many. One of them may have been the one to find the cure for a terminal disease or a solution to save our world from the deteriorating environment, war or the terrors we face today. What a useless loss. Alcohol won out that day, destroying not only those lives that day, but in all of those left behind. Nothing will ever be the same. We love you Alyssa, Rose, Julian and Kate
I wrote about Alyssa a year ago, about her giggle, the camping trips my husband would take the two girls on every spring break, her creativeness and how smart she was. It has been a tough year for my child, not understanding how such precious lives could end in the way they did. Hundreds of teens have asked the same question. Somehow, all in our community had connection to one of the four. It may have been through pre-school, soccer, church, drama or in one of the elementary, mid, or high schools they attended. At times, it was a friend of a friend. Of course, there are also the many relatives, some living across the ocean from us. All are touched in ways that words cannot explain.
Several were to graduate from high school this year. At my daughter’s graduation, she wore her bright pink high top shoes, with Alyssa’s name written along the side, to honor her. Alyssa loved wearing her own pair of pink high tops. When my daughter found a pair just like her best friend’s, it made the two of them giggle with glee.
We arrived at the site while a steady, light, rain fell. There stood four wooden crosses, standing about 3 feet high, two feet across. Each has the name of one of the victims beautifully written on the crosspiece. Objects having a meaning to the particular teen surround them. There are religious items, candy, stuffed animals, jewelry, candles and endless flowers. A marker is there, for people to write messages on the crosses, each board being about 3 inches wide. Alyssa’s cross is a bright pink, while the others are in shades of blue, yellow and pink. Added today by my daughter was the Cookie Monster, the Sesame Street character Alyssa adored. It will remain in a plastic bag at the bottom of the cross, shielding it from whatever the weather may be.
After pulling a few weeds from the wet ground from all the crosses, we remained silent, reflecting upon our times with Alyssa, remembering her from childhood years to the young woman she had become. We wrapped our arms around one another’s waist, our eyes never leaving her marker. The rain continued to come down. It did not cease us from the cherished memories we carried.
Many more teens had been there before us today. Brightly colored fresh flowers were placed thoughtfully before all of the crosses. There were roses, sunflowers and so much more. As we were there, more teens arrived, all placing something in front of one or more of the memorials. A silent smile was shared through the rain with each newcomer, each then going back into his or her own world, treasuring special moments of the past. Cars zipped by on the highway behind us, but were non-fazing.
Standing there, I began to picture how many futures were lost that day. No one will get to see how he or she could have changed the world, with his or her knowledge, music or laughter. There will be no marriages, children, grandchildren or great-grandchildren that in turn could have changed the futures for many. One of them may have been the one to find the cure for a terminal disease or a solution to save our world from the deteriorating environment, war or the terrors we face today. What a useless loss. Alcohol won out that day, destroying not only those lives that day, but in all of those left behind. Nothing will ever be the same. We love you Alyssa, Rose, Julian and Kate
Sunday, June 27, 2010
THE BUTTERFLY
Silently fluttering in
And out of the blossoms,
Bringing a cry of joy
By all whom see it.
Bright yellows, reds,
Oranges and blues,
Patterns of perfection
Upon both
Of its wings.
We can feel
God's powerful
Silence, sending
A message
Of His
Quiet and gentle presence.
This magnificent creature
Vanishes as
Quickly as it appears,
Taking flight,
To another
Field of
God's spiritual beauty.
Marie T. Morrison
And out of the blossoms,
Bringing a cry of joy
By all whom see it.
Bright yellows, reds,
Oranges and blues,
Patterns of perfection
Upon both
Of its wings.
We can feel
God's powerful
Silence, sending
A message
Of His
Quiet and gentle presence.
This magnificent creature
Vanishes as
Quickly as it appears,
Taking flight,
To another
Field of
God's spiritual beauty.
Marie T. Morrison
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