A YEAR AGO TODAY

My daughter and I just returned from visiting the roadside memorial site of four teens, losing their lives a year ago today, at the hands of a drunk driver. One of the teens was the best friend of my daughter. They had met in second grade, never imagining that nine years later, one of them would meet their fate.


I wrote about Alyssa a year ago, about her giggle, the camping trips my husband would take the two girls on every spring break, her creativeness and how smart she was. It has been a tough year for my child, not understanding how such precious lives could end in the way they did. Hundreds of teens have asked the same question. Somehow, all in our community had connection to one of the four. It may have been through pre-school, soccer, church, drama or in one of the elementary, mid, or high schools they attended. At times, it was a friend of a friend. Of course, there are also the many relatives, some living across the ocean from us. All are touched in ways that words cannot explain.

Several were to graduate from high school this year. At my daughter’s graduation, she wore her bright pink high top shoes, with Alyssa’s name written along the side, to honor her. Alyssa loved wearing her own pair of pink high tops. When my daughter found a pair just like her best friend’s, it made the two of them giggle with glee.

We arrived at the site while a steady, light, rain fell. There stood four wooden crosses, standing about 3 feet high, two feet across. Each has the name of one of the victims beautifully written on the crosspiece. Objects having a meaning to the particular teen surround them. There are religious items, candy, stuffed animals, jewelry, candles and endless flowers. A marker is there, for people to write messages on the crosses, each board being about 3 inches wide. Alyssa’s cross is a bright pink, while the others are in shades of blue, yellow and pink. Added today by my daughter was the Cookie Monster, the Sesame Street character Alyssa adored. It will remain in a plastic bag at the bottom of the cross, shielding it from whatever the weather may be.

After pulling a few weeds from the wet ground from all the crosses, we remained silent, reflecting upon our times with Alyssa, remembering her from childhood years to the young woman she had become. We wrapped our arms around one another’s waist, our eyes never leaving her marker. The rain continued to come down. It did not cease us from the cherished memories we carried.

Many more teens had been there before us today. Brightly colored fresh flowers were placed thoughtfully before all of the crosses. There were roses, sunflowers and so much more. As we were there, more teens arrived, all placing something in front of one or more of the memorials. A silent smile was shared through the rain with each newcomer, each then going back into his or her own world, treasuring special moments of the past. Cars zipped by on the highway behind us, but were non-fazing.

Standing there, I began to picture how many futures were lost that day. No one will get to see how he or she could have changed the world, with his or her knowledge, music or laughter. There will be no marriages, children, grandchildren or great-grandchildren that in turn could have changed the futures for many. One of them may have been the one to find the cure for a terminal disease or a solution to save our world from the deteriorating environment, war or the terrors we face today. What a useless loss. Alcohol won out that day, destroying not only those lives that day, but in all of those left behind. Nothing will ever be the same. We love you Alyssa, Rose, Julian and Kate

CHANGES

There are different ways to respond to change. If it is a change of the seasons, there can be excitement, looking forward to what that particular season will bring. A change in careers might also bring excitement, or it may set the nerves stirring, unsure of if the new work environment will be a happy one .
If a member of a family passes away, there is another form of change. A void is there, one that is irreplaceable. Learning how to carry on without the loved one can cause considerable change in someone’s life. With the passing of an individual, there may also be changes for friends, classmates and coworkers. It can mean new seating arrangements, a change in the work distribution, and the possibility of a newly assigned workspace. Most importantly, emotions are strong, with changes happening in the lives of those left behind. My own daughter changed her college goals after the death of a friend this past summer, because of a drunk driver hitting her car, killing three other friends with her. Instead of going into her passion of singing, wanting to become involved in opera, she changed her major to social work, wanting to help any teen going through a struggle after losing a friend.
This leads into another change. Because of a change in her college major, she could change the lives of future teens after the death of a dear friend. God intervened here, we do believe, to have her reach out to others in a different way than previously planned. As parents, we have also changed, excited before about a career in opera, now emotional and proud of her, turning to a life of service.
Changes continue. However, at times, the change is not accepted very well. How many times do we enter a meeting, commuter train or bus, always taking the same placement at the table or the same chair in a specific row of seats, only to find someone new there, sitting in OUR SPOT! We are not happy about this. Just who do they think they are? After the meeting, there is still talk. How can someone take precedence when it is MY seat! It can throw off the whole day! I will just have to give a GLARE to this person…as if the person could understand the purpose of this look of anger!
One of the places where the blood pressure rises if ‘our seat’ is taken is at church. How funny it is, to think this is where we can we get quite emotional. Instead of welcoming the newcomer, we look at them with disdain. Here we are, in the house of God, being angry with our brethren, all over a seat! I would love to see the look on God’s face as we make our own faces and react through our words of demise, of not getting to sit where we always do. It can ruin the whole service. Everything looks different, including the people surrounding us. How can we make it through the hour? A shifting of the legs, arms folded across our chests, shows how unacceptable it is to have to make a move.
Rather, we should be glad to meet the people surrounding our new seats, enjoying the different ‘scenery.’ We might be surprised how the change can be good for us. In change, we can be refreshed, looking at something new. It is not the ‘same ol,’ ‘same ol,’ where we can almost forget where we are. With the change, we can observe things we had not noticed before, possibly something that could change our lives. Meeting a new ‘seatmate’ could lead to a new friendship. Instead of looking at it with such negativity, it is good to see the positive side of this change. It might even mean one would like to return once again to the new seat. Let the newcomers keep the previous, permanent spot. Enjoy the new surroundings. Of course, this may mean we have taken the spot of other ‘permanent residents!’ We can look at the other with a smile, reaching out our hands in greeting, or acknowledging with a nod as we show happiness on our faces. Another change is now occurring, as they find a new place to sit. Change can be good. It keeps the body going, giving a dose of refreshment, visiting God in a completely new light!
At the next meeting, class or church service you attend, think about taking a new seat. It is not good to get stuck in a rut. How can we grow if we stay in this rut? Take a different route to work this week! Sit at a different place at the table. Seriously think about sitting at a different place while at a church service! You can start just by moving a seat forward from where you usually are. Do not worry about what others will think. Think about yourself, how you want to be renewed! Others will be renewed, as you make the change to sit elsewhere and so must they. Imagine God’s smile as you decide to get to know Him through a different view! There is nothing like envisaging a smile from God!