Spirituality-What It Means To Me

1. First, I would define spirituality as a 'presence' I feel in myself and in others. It appears to have a calmness about it, which radiates from within. As it radiates, it transcends its calmness to the next person. A breath is inhaled, allowing the spirituality to enter, allowing this human being to also feel the calmness.
   
   Spirituality is seen in the eyes of the carrier, as they take on a glow of happiness. As they shine, it cannot be helped but to begin to feel the same luminosity within oneself, shining with the warmness of intense love and caring. It is God's own love and caring being present, as we absorb what those eyes are telling us.
   
   Spirituality is seen in the smile. The smile which is full of blessings, thanking God for the gift of life, for the gift of feeling His presence, no matter where the smile carries us. The smile spreads from one person to the next, as God fulfills each and everyone with His passion for all of His children.
   
   Spirituality is in the way one listens to another. It is taking time to hear what is being said, commenting on what is heard. It is taking the message told and acting upon it, whether it is with a hug, a prayer, or the lighting of a candle. It is being there for someone after knowing what has been told to another.
   
   It is felt within the heart. The heart is strong, filled with warmth, reaching out to others. It is going beyond oneself, to always offer a hand, an ear, a voice, an observance, to those surrounding us.
   
   It is understanding. No judgments are made. It is nodding one's head, in agreement to what is occurring in the lives of our fellow brethren. It is showing one will be there for our brothers and sisters, no matter what.
   
   It is acting upon faith and displaying faith. It is living the way God wants to to live, based upon our strong belief in Him. It is never giving up, to continue to live the faith, how having God in a one's life serves as a continuing inspiration so many can see how wonderful life is, in spite of the downfalls we endure.
   
   It is never feeling alone. It is knowing the Holy Spirit dwells within us, never leaving us, not even for a given moment. It is always feeling His love, warmth, care, attention and thoughts, day and night, throughout our lives, in this Kingdom and in the next.
   
   
   

A Conversation With a Seven Year Old

A darling seven year old girl was talking to me on the phone the other day. It all started while having a phone visit with her mother. Her mother had just told me her daughter had a question for her religious education teacher. When she asked her question, the teacher had told the little girl she had asked a good question, but to save it until next year. Her teacher at that time could answer it.

To say the least, I was somewhat taken aback by this reply. The next thing I heard myself saying was to the mother was to put her daughter on the phone, I would do what I could to answer it and any other questions on her mind. The mother was happy to do so, as she and her husband could not keep up with her curiosity about life itself. For the next one and a half hours, this inquisitive child asked me questions. I imagine these were questions she had been storing up for quite some time.

What she asked was beyond her years. I instantly connected with Judith (the name I am giving her, as Judith in the Bible was a wise and intelligent woman). Her first question was not a religious one, but why we had eyelashes. I told her they prevented dust or whatever else is in the air from entering the eye. I added that without eyelashes, our eyes make a clicking sound, that we can hear and feel our eyes blink each time we do so. I said this last bit of information was from my own experience, when a gas oven burned my face, taking away my eyelashes.

This fascinated her. The rest of the conversation, Judith fascinated me. She had many, many questions about God and what he does for us. She began by asking us if we all became angels of God when we die. Since none of us have been to heaven, I told her, we can’t say for sure if we all become angels, but we are part of his group of saints, praying for all of us on earth.

Satisfied with this, she wanted to know about evil and why we have it, using many examples of where she has seen sadness or heard about it. This dialogue lasted quite a bit, as I explained about choices God allows us to make, to grow in our wisdom. Without experiences, we could not strengthen our souls. God was there to always love us, to help us get through those difficult times. Unfortunately, some people make poor choices, which do harm others. We can only pray for them, that they will learn better decision making, to feel God’s spirit within them. It is hard for all of us to understand wrong choices people make, much less a seven year old child trying to grasp this.

Judith was not yet satisfied. She said she one more question for me. How, she said, did we get placed in a mommy’s tummy. This was a question her parents especially dreaded. Whenever it came up, they changed the topic, as it was an awkward one to answer. They were not yet ready to explain it to their daughter, who was going into second grade in a few days.

I did answer her question. But, I answered it in a spiritual way. I told her how our souls were created before we became human beings. God had to find that special mommy and daddy to plant each particular, precious soul. It started as a little seed, inside the mommy. Just as a seed grows in the garden when we take care of it, the mommy takes care of her little seed, making sure it receives all the goodness it needs. This puzzled her, wondering how this could happen. I told her about the tiny mustard seed, that when planted, turns into a strong bush. She, too, grew, to be a strong baby, ready to be born into the family. Sometimes it’s hard to understand just how God works, but that is what makes God so magnificent.

As our conversation drew to a close, I could feel the weight lifted from her shoulders. Her voice became lighter and she talked faster, excited to have her mind filled with new things.

I, too, felt a weight lift from my shoulders. I had let everyday problems get to me, the daily activities which at times bear down upon an adult. Getting wrapped up in them had let me forget about the greatness of God and the wonderful soul he has given me. It took a little girl to make me remember what is most important in my life. I am to continue to nourish my heart, my soul and my mind, as they are those precious gifts from God.

Water Wonders

While out watering our beautiful, blessed garden the other day, I once again realized just how wonderful water is. Here I am, sprinkling water on all the colors of our garden, while the water itself made its own rainbow of colors. The water was vibrant, letting everything be showered with new life. Yes, new life, as the moisture let everything revive from the baking heat into being strong once again.
My thoughts drifted as I continued to bring my thirsty plants back to life. I began to think of the vast amounts of water our world has. The beautiful ocean is such a spiritual entity for me. Though I seldom have the chance to visit the sea, I love to sit by its edge, imagining all the life it holds,. From where I contemplated with my thoughts about this, I knew I could not actually see all what the magnificent waters held. But I believed, not seeing. I smiled, visualizing activity under the blue-green waters. There would be those rainbows of colors, supplied by God, making each living plant and animal dependent upon one another.
As the days passed, I have still continued to think about what water does for us. It brings my own self back to life when I thirst, and gives me tremendous strength as I feel the sensations of it as I do my daily workout at the pool. I can’t stay away from it. I want to continue to feel the soothing effects it provides me as I glide from one place to another in the water. My smile comes back, as I thank God for giving me the privilege to feel the water upon me, both internally and externally.
While moving in the water, praying and meditating my thoughts to God, I am reminded how my life began with water. I received the baptismal water, which created its own beautiful rainbow of new life for me. I was blessed in the name of the Father, of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. What joys opened up for me, to know the strength to carry me in my faith and my life began at that very moment. The Holy Spirit resided within me, and through God, Jesus was always there to protect me, to carry me and walk beside me. The world was not black and white anymore, but filled with every color of the rainbow, as I was surrounded with love.
The water is pure and clear. It is silent as it gives life to the gardens, to life in the seas and to my own life. Yet, what a loud resonance it makes, giving all in our world the life God provides for us!

"O God, you are my God,
and I long for you.
My whole being desires you;
like a dry, worn-out, and waterless land,
my soul is thirsty for you.
Let me see you in the sanctuary;
let me see how mighty and glorious you are.
Your constant love is better than life itself,
and so I will praise you.
I will give you thanks as long as I life;
I will raise my hands to you in prayer.
My soul will feast and be satisfied,
and I will sing glad songs of praise to you."
Psalm 63:1-5

God's Ear

While in prayer one night, I was asking for guidance on how to correct a mistake I had made. Being a perfectionist, others would laugh at what they wouldn't even consider it as something wrong. But, for me, I needed to find some peace. I kept saying to myself, 'If only I had..., instead of...'

I suppose another word for this is 'hindsight.' But what has happened cannot be changed. We can say "Next time, I will..." which does help us for future situations. As I tell my children, if we did not have experiences, whether they be good or bad, we would not have our wisdom. We would not learn to be stronger in character, as it is through the choices we make which build us up or tear us down, with each decision made.

But, I did love God's reply to me that night. He said, in his gentle voice, "Marie, what matters is who you are right now. Don't worry about mistakes from the past!" Our dear Lord could not say it better. What comfort it brought me!

Yes, take who I am right now, continuing to build upon it, in faith, prayer, hope, charity, love, happiness and kindness, to name only a few. Also, take who I am and listen. Truly listen. We have a habit of turning on a radio, cd player or a television when we enter a silent room. Yet, if we just left it silent, we would be surprised at what we could hear. There are the birds chirping and singing, the sound of a gentle breeze, the leaves rustling. There are the crickets playing their music, actually allowing us to know what the temperature it is outside. Most of all, we can listen to God! Yes, He is there, waiting for us to let Him in. If there is constant noise around us, how can we possibly hear what He is saying to us? Soon, I know He is also listening to me . He cares what I have to say.

If I am in the car, I seem to have many conversations with Him, especially on my way to Church. I ask him to provide me with an inner peace, so I may reflect this calmness to my students or my fellow brethren. In turn, they will begin to feel calm themselves, feeling our Lord within their souls. In traffic, I may be thanking God for my family, telling him to please continue to protect them as He does right now. I might even tell him a funny story about me. Yes, God laughs, just as we do.

I remember one time in Mass, a child was given a crucifix on a chain to play with by his mother. From where I was sitting, all I could do was see that child swinging the cross in a circular motion non-stop. I talked to God, to ask him to please have this behavior stop. I do not like seeing the cross treated this way, much less having that motion, not giving me any sense of peace. As I was attempting to only focus on the priest, I suddenly had a sharp pain hit my arm. I let out a small gasp, not expecting this pain. In my lap fell that crucifix! He had swung it hard enough that it left the chain and flew into me! I grinned, telling God thank you for answering my prayer, but what a way for Him to have that child stop what was bothering me!

I laid the cross beside me, wanting to talk to the child afterward, in a very gentle voice, at his level, how important the crucifix is. But, his mother was so embarrassed when she saw the whole thing happen, she grabbed her son and left the Church!

As always, God was there for me, not matter what is going on!

May you always feel God's presence, especially in the silence!

I will give you rest

In Matthew 11:28-30, we hear the Lord speaking to us, saying "Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest in your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

When I read this passage, I think of the popular saying, "Lord there is nothing which will be given to me that you and I can't handle." This can be a big task! It brings back a memory from a number of years ago. I had always been the active one in an organization I had joined. Suddenly, I was not. It was as if I had dropped off the planet. I wasn't returning phone calls, nor was I carrying out needed responsibilities as a member of the group. Finally, I got up my nerve, calling the group's president. I said I was sure she was wondering what had happened to me. Speaking in a cool tone, she was indeed wondering why I was not being involved. I began to explain to her what was going on in my life at that time. There were problems with one of our children, serious problems. I had been ill, quite ill. Aside from these two issues, there were many other drastic happenings going on in my life. By the time I finished speaking, her voice was warm and heartfelt. She said to me, "You know, I think sometimes God does give us more than we can handle." I broke down in tears at her kind words.

Yes, it did seem it was more than I could handle. But, I kept talking to God, feeling closer to him than if everything had been going perfect in my life. God gave me the privilege of having him close to me in my heart throughout day and night. I got to constantly recall Christ's passion and how he sacrificed himself out of love for me, so I could have a better life. I told myself if Christ could endure tremendous hardships, I could too. He would be there to help me carry my heavy burdens, if only I would remember to let him do so. His door was narrow, but I had the chance to enter it and let his yoke fall upon me. He could give my soul a chance to be calm, instead of being in constant turmoil.

I did make it through those hard times. It did help me to hear that it seems I was given too much to handle, but God knew better than I that I could handle what was presented to me. I could rise to the top. It wouldn't be an easy ride, but the struggles led me to be only closer to God. Because of my closeness to him, I never gave up. I never even came close to giving up. I didn't need to. God was there to carry me.

The Tragic story of a Delightful Teen.

How do I express my feelings about the loss of Alyssa? I have known her for ten years, since she was seven years old. Today, her birthday, she would have been celebrating her 17th year of life. Instead of celebrating her special day, we were celebrating the life she had, until it quickly ended on June 27, 2009, all to the hands of a drunk driver.

She was in a car with four other teens. No, they were not to be out at that hour and no, there were not to be that many teens in one car. But, teens are teens. They are out to have a good time, not thinking about tomorrow. What is important is the here and now. We are here together, so now let’s have a good time.

Sadly, the drunk driver finds his good time by consuming more alcohol than his body can hold. No longer can he function in a coherent manner. All reasoning goes out the window, blowing away like the wind would. Instead of thinking of calling a friend to come get him, he gets behind the wheel of a huge weapon, his car. Where he started his journey to begin his path to murder is not known.

What is known is that shortly after midnight, he is driving down the highway. He is carefree after all of his alcohol consumption. He Is so carefree he doesn’t even drive on his side of the road. It is dark outside, with a caravan of cars carrying teens going in the opposite direction. Their headlights are on. They are driving below the speed limit, going about 50 mph. That is why they are on this road in the first place, instead of the Interstate. The lead car cannot go fast, with the driver too nervous to have cars zipping by her, at 75 mph.

It is likely the teens are laughing and talking in the car, with the conversation being whatever it is the teens talk about.. the music on the radio, an upcoming concert, what they plan to do when they get to the house of their friend.

Eyes straight ahead, following the road to a friend’s home in Eldorado. Suddenly, there are head lights glaring at her in the same lane she is in. It takes only a moment to realize this car, holding the carefree driver, is on the wrong side of the road, also going 50 mph.

What to do? Aha! Having a split-second decision, the driver thinks, “I will get into the lane he is supposed to be in and drive past him.” As she switches lanes, the carefree driver seems to have an ‘alert’ moment. Aha! In his split-second decision, he says, “I need to back over into my own lane!”

How come he didn’t notice she had already started to move over, to occupy the lane he should have never left in the first place? Instead, he plows into the side of the car as it attempts to switch lanes. Immediately, four teenagers are dead and one is in serious condition. As for our carefree driver? Some bruising on his chest. Nothing else.

Cell phones are immediately put to use. The caravan of teens sees what happens, some of them calling 911. Then, they run to see how bad the accident is. Oh my gosh. It is worse than they could ever imagine. Their friends are dead. Blood is everywhere. Someone calls 911 to say to hurry, it is a terrible, terrible accident.

Among the dead is Alyssa Trouw, the soft spoken, giggly girl. The girl who has been a good friend of my daughter Kathryn since second grade. The girl who would come into our living room with a big hi, followed by a big hug. She always paused before going off with Kathryn, both in arriving and in leaving, to give another hug and to say how she is doing. Always, there was that giggle. How happy she always was!

July 12, 2009

I have been thinking about Alyssa constantly. At her funeral, it is mentioned how intelligent she was. Not just 'normal' intellgient, but 'extremely' intelligent, more than other people who are bright. She went to Borders and bought the Koran, just for her own interest. She loved to read the Wall Street Journal...at age 16! Her grades were exceptional. She was full of wonder and full of curiousity.

But she was also very artistic. We have some of her art work over here, as she drew pictures for Kathryn through the years. They remain posted on Kathryn's bulletin board, some of them from grade school. I have always admired her talents.

My first experience of getting to know Alyssa was when she and I shared a bus seat on a school field trip. She was this little thing, age seven and a second grader, sitting with a space beside her on the bus. I asked if I could sit with her. She gave me her darling smile and nodded for me to join her. We never stopped talking the whole way to our destination and the whole way back. I don't remember where we went that day, I just remember with being impressed how much she would share of herself and this young age.

It was like this everytime she and I saw eachother. It could be at school, where she was in the classroom across from mine, or when she came over to get together with Kathryn, for an afternoon or for a sleepover. She would always come to visit me a bit when she was over. Kathryn was used to this, willing to share her friend. We truly liked one another.

Once, I told her mom how wonderful Alyssa was, and how generous she was in conversing with me, an adult. Her mother said she was actually quite shy, not opening up to many people. I felt quite honored she was comfortable with me. I had no idea she was not like this with everyone.

At her service, so many spoke about this shyness. They knew she was bright, happy, smart and artistic. But they also knew she didn't talk much. How privileged I was, getting to be part of her life, opening up her door to allow me to be part of her world.

She was over at our home about a month before she passed away. We didn't even know she was here, entering with a group of girls, having a get together downstairs. Most would be spending the night over here, with Kathryn hosting this end of the schoolyear get together. She was not able to spend the night, leaving about 11pm. As I saw her walk past, I called out a hello to her from the other room. She let out a delightful hi in return, immediately coming over to give me a hug. She stayed to visit with Tom and I for a few minutes, where she told of the end of her school year, continuing with small talk. Every little bit, she would let out the cutest giggle, giving us her beautiful grin. She promised to visit again soon.

I am sorry this visit will not get to come. I can talk to her magnificient spirit, only imagining what she would be saying to me. Yet, maybe it really is her talking to me, as the spirit can do unimaginable things. I will continue to feel her presence, throughout the day and into the night. Goodbye, Alyssa. I love you and always will.